It seems to me like it is becoming increasingly common for Law Moms to also be the family breadwinners. While my husband works, his income fluctuates unpredictably and we really cannot rely on it to pay our bills (or qualify for a mortgage). I have a few Law Mom friends who have husbands who make significantly less money than they do.
For some couples, this poses no problem. For others it does. What makes the difference?
To make this situation work, the most important thing is that you don't resent your job. A Law Mom who secretly (or not so secretly) desires to stay at home (or be a yoga instructor or preschool teacher, etc.) may never truly be able to accept her role as the breadwinner.
But even those who are not thrilled with their legal careers can find peace in this role. The key is not believing that it is your significant other's duty to take on that role or save you from your career. I think this is difficult for some women though. Even though my mother has worked since I was an infant, I still grew up with messages that men are supposed to provide for their families. It is hard not to internalize those messages.
But, we all have the ability to think critically - we should have honed that skill in law school! As I have thought about this issue over the years and talked about it with the women I work with or went to school with, I realized that I chose to be a Law Mom. No one made me do it and no one is responsible for rescuing me from it either. If I want to teach yoga (which, I admit, sometimes I do), it is my responsibility to make that happen. Sure, I can expect my husband to support me in that dream. But, I can't expect him to drop his own dreams just to make mine a reality. Getting married isn't a lotto ticket for (most) women, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Also, let's get real here. We can't expect to go from careers in BigLaw to teaching yoga without an impact on our finances and lifestyle. It is not realistic. Acknowledging that fact, we can choose whether we accept it as a not-so-pleasant aspect of the real world or we can get mad at our spouses for not being able to make the impossible possible. It's our choice.
For some couples, this poses no problem. For others it does. What makes the difference?
To make this situation work, the most important thing is that you don't resent your job. A Law Mom who secretly (or not so secretly) desires to stay at home (or be a yoga instructor or preschool teacher, etc.) may never truly be able to accept her role as the breadwinner.
But even those who are not thrilled with their legal careers can find peace in this role. The key is not believing that it is your significant other's duty to take on that role or save you from your career. I think this is difficult for some women though. Even though my mother has worked since I was an infant, I still grew up with messages that men are supposed to provide for their families. It is hard not to internalize those messages.
But, we all have the ability to think critically - we should have honed that skill in law school! As I have thought about this issue over the years and talked about it with the women I work with or went to school with, I realized that I chose to be a Law Mom. No one made me do it and no one is responsible for rescuing me from it either. If I want to teach yoga (which, I admit, sometimes I do), it is my responsibility to make that happen. Sure, I can expect my husband to support me in that dream. But, I can't expect him to drop his own dreams just to make mine a reality. Getting married isn't a lotto ticket for (most) women, and there is nothing wrong with that.
Also, let's get real here. We can't expect to go from careers in BigLaw to teaching yoga without an impact on our finances and lifestyle. It is not realistic. Acknowledging that fact, we can choose whether we accept it as a not-so-pleasant aspect of the real world or we can get mad at our spouses for not being able to make the impossible possible. It's our choice.
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