Professional Maternity Wear!

When I was pregnant, I had a tough time finding appropriate attire for the office. Maternity clothes seem to fall into two camps these days: (1) MILF in training (gag) or (2) cozy weekend wear.

Neither of these works in a law firm. This is why I LOVE the dress pictured above. It is classic, professional and you can easily accessorize it to fit your personal style. And the best part - it's on sale for $22.97! What a bargain! You can find it on Nordstrom's website here.

Law Mom Breadwinners

It seems to me like it is becoming increasingly common for Law Moms to also be the family breadwinners. While my husband works, his income fluctuates unpredictably and we really cannot rely on it to pay our bills (or qualify for a mortgage). I have a few Law Mom friends who have husbands who make significantly less money than they do.

For some couples, this poses no problem. For others it does. What makes the difference?

To make this situation work, the most important thing is that you don't resent your job. A Law Mom who secretly (or not so secretly) desires to stay at home (or be a yoga instructor or preschool teacher, etc.) may never truly be able to accept her role as the breadwinner.

But even those who are not thrilled with their legal careers can find peace in this role. The key is not believing that it is your significant other's duty to take on that role or save you from your career. I think this is difficult for some women though. Even though my mother has worked since I was an infant, I still grew up with messages that men are supposed to provide for their families. It is hard not to internalize those messages.

But, we all have the ability to think critically - we should have honed that skill in law school! As I have thought about this issue over the years and talked about it with the women I work with or went to school with, I realized that I chose to be a Law Mom. No one made me do it and no one is responsible for rescuing me from it either. If I want to teach yoga (which, I admit, sometimes I do), it is my responsibility to make that happen. Sure, I can expect my husband to support me in that dream. But, I can't expect him to drop his own dreams just to make mine a reality. Getting married isn't a lotto ticket for (most) women, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Also, let's get real here. We can't expect to go from careers in BigLaw to teaching yoga without an impact on our finances and lifestyle. It is not realistic. Acknowledging that fact, we can choose whether we accept it as a not-so-pleasant aspect of the real world or we can get mad at our spouses for not being able to make the impossible possible. It's our choice.

Struggle: Networking v. Spending Time with Kids

Recently, I have been struggling with the dueling needs to begin networking and to spend more time with my son. On the one hand, I am well aware of the fact that if I intend to stay in private practice at my firm (or elsewhere) I must begin making contacts that will build my book of business. On the other hand, networking events eat into my free time and into the time I would otherwise use to meet my billable hour requirements.

As a mid-level associate, I do not feel overwhelming pressure to begin networking just yet. However, I think it is a mistake to ignore this aspect of the practice until year 7 or 8, only to find that I have no idea what I am doing and a very small amount of time to learn.

So, maybe for now I will set a goal of attending two or three networking events of some sort, even if they are just lunches, per quarter. I will see how that goes. I wish that I could ask for advice from a female partner with a book of business of her own but, alas, there are none at my firm. Maybe one day I can be that partner to rising female associates.

Maternity Leave Policies

Let's start from the beginning. For most of us, our first experience as a law mom involved navigating our employer's maternity leave policy.

Leave policies vary tremendously by work place, with big law firms providing fairly generous policies in comparison to government positions or smaller law firms. The race to recruit and retain top law students that occurred until late 2008 really helped out with this issue. Firms that had once provided only the legally required leave began to use generous maternity leave policies as a way to distinguish themselves from the pack. Soon, most (but definitely not all) law firms were offering at least 12 and sometimes 18 weeks of paid leave, many of which allowed associates to tack on accrued vacation to make it even longer. Above the Law has a great survey of leave policies here.

So, what's a future law mom to do when her employer doesn't provide "market" leave? I faced this issue at my firm when I decided I was going to be a Law Mom. Although the firm's management had tried in most ways to keep up with BigLaw in terms of compensation and other benefits, our maternity leave policy was far from generous. We were allowed 6 weeks of paid time off and then required to be back in the office immediately thereafter. For some women, this might be fine. But I knew I would resent being back in the office so quickly.

I considered looking for a job at a different firm but, ultimately, decided that I would try to get the policy changed before I gave up on a job that was otherwise pretty great. I was discouraged to find an internal memo from 2003 from an ex-associate practically begging for a more generous policy. I was even more discouraged when I found out that she had ended up quitting within 3 weeks of writing the memo.

Luckily, with the help of another future Law Mom and a very receptive director of HR, I was able to bring this issue up with our firm's decision makers, backed with information from Above the Law's survey linked above as well as specific information on the policies of a few key firms with whom my firm regularly competes for legal "talent." After a few months of internal debate among the partners, our firm policy was improved dramatically.

I learned a lot from this experience. First, I learned that it never hurts to just ask (in a professional, non-whiny or threatening sort of way). Second, I learned that doing your homework can really pay off. The partners at my firm were much more convinced by the information I presented about what other firms were doing than they were by any appeals to their compassion or fairness to future moms.

If you have had any experience improving your firm's leave policy, please share it with us!

Welcome!

Welcome fellow law moms! I started this blog to write about those things that will uniquely interest women who are both moms and lawyers. Being a law mom can be lonely, and I hope this blog will turn into a place where we can chat about our common interests and concerns.

A little bit about me: I am a mom of one little boy, currently six months old, and an attorney in Big(ish)Law in Southern California. I have been married for about six years. We hope to have another child (or two!) in the future, but for now we are learning to navigate both parenthood and our careers.